Midlife Crisis

Take the Male Midlife Crisis Test Male Midlife Crisis Test – Quiz We have worked on providing the most exhaustive quiz to date that may help men in midlife to determine Midlife Crisis in their lives. Although each of these points may be expanded upon individually to achieve a greater understanding they remain brief in order to compliment the quiz type format. By taking the quiz a man may be alert to his personal status and determine a course of action. The failure point of such quizzes is that most tend to deal with generalities. This quiz assumes that the man is older than 34 years and has recently if not suddenly found himself within the parameters of these questions. If a man has experienced a “lifestyle” of issues within the scope of these questions then other issues outside of midlife crisis should be considered first. The “earmark” of midlife crisis is that many of these issues were not experienced heretofore and have occurred in both the physical and emotional arenas within a scope of one to two years. Many psychological issues appear full grown in midlife crisis that was not a regular feature of a man’s life prior to this. Are you in a midlife crisis now? Take time to fill in the following check boxes then total your score at the bottom: 1. Physical Symptoms:  Have you experienced a decrease in your sex drive (libido)?  Do you lack energy?  Have you lost height?  Has your strength and/or endurance decreased?  Are your erections less strong?  Taking longer to recover from injuries and illness.  Less endurance for physical activity.  Feeling fat and gaining weight.  Difficulty reading small print.  Loss or thinning of hair.  Sleep disturbances and fatigue.  "Sore body syndrome" - stiffness.  Excessive sweating.  Cold hands and feet.  Itching.  Has your muscle tone centered around your mid-section? Your score ________ out of sixteen 2. Home Life:  Do you find yourself falling asleep after dinner?  Frequent fantasizing about getting away from it all.  Do you feel frustrated because so much of your income is spent on others--not you?  Have you increased your use of alcohol, drugs, food, TV, etc recently?  Have you noticed yourself enjoying life less?  Do you feel sudden outbursts of temper and hostility?  Do you find yourself criticizing your mate now more than ever?  Are you experiencing increased forgetfulness about appointments, deadlines, and dates?  Are you recently getting a feeling of anger because you have to serve everyone else?  Are you experiencing an increased feeling of inadequacy around your home and about “parenting” your children?  Have you recently started working out, bought a new wardrobe, or a new car, quad, or motorcycle?  Has your music listening habits changed?  Have you been questioning your reasons for remaining in the marriage?  Have you recently embarked on “home improvement” regimes?  Have you been privately considering what it would be like if you were no longer living here?  Have you found yourself wanting to sleep rather than making love? Your score ________ out of sixteen 3. Your Work and career:  Have you noticed a recent and growing dissatisfaction in your job or career?  Has there been a recent deterioration in your work performance?  Do you find your decision-making is more difficult?  Are you experiencing frequent memory loss while speaking or writing?  Do you find yourself in excessive worrying about everything including your success and job security?  Are you feeling less confident in your work performance?  Do you find that your interest in working has waned?  Have you worked longer hours unnecessarily to avoid going home?  Has your work recently seemed drudgery and lacking in the passion you once maintained?  Do you find yourself frequently irritated by work performance including your own?  Have you been experiencing frequent mistrust of your work associates?  Have you been daydreaming of getting away from it all or to take on a different career?  Do you find a lack of energy to take on or initiate new projects?  Do you notice more frequently that your subordinates been running the race more efficiently than you have?  Do you feel that your job security is threatened?  Have you recently felt overburdened by your responsibilities, not in control of your own time, and the need to run faster to keep up? Your score ________ out of sixteen 4. Your Personal life:  Are you feeling frequently irritable?  Are you frequently feeling depressed?  Do you fear that life is running out too quickly?  Do you feel grumpier than normal or usual?  Increased nervousness and jumpiness?  Have you been feeling that your body is out of shape?  Disinterest or anger at God, or the church?  Frequent day-dreaming about the good old days of your youth?  Frequent thoughts of taking your life?  Increased feeling of euphoria when talking to someone of the opposite sex?  Are you experiencing difficulty making decisions?  Are you feeling a recent loss of self confidence or joy?  Have you felt a recent loss of purpose and direction in life?  Have you felt isolated, lonely, unattractive, or unloved?  Have you felt recent forgetfulness and difficulty concentrating?  Have you recently been fantasizing about other women, having a sexual affair, or viewed pornography online for personal gratification or masturbation? Your score ________ out of sixteen 5. Your Sexual life:  Have you recently experienced a lost erection?  Are your recent erections less firm?  Is your recovery time between sexual activities increased dramatically?  Have you recently felt a loss of sexual interest in your mate?  Do you find that you recently require direct physical stimulation to get an erection; a sexy sight or fantastic fantasy may not arouse you as it did before?  Are you feeling an increased anxiety and fear about losing sexual potency?  Increased fantasies about having sex with a new and younger partner.  Is there less of an urge to ejaculate? Sometimes a man might not feel the need to orgasm at all.  The force of ejaculation is not as strong as it once was. The amount of the ejaculate is less and one may have fewer sperm.  Do you find yourself seeking extra-marital aids to stay aroused?  Felt a recent embarrassment concerning your sexual performance that now acts as a deterrent?  Have you given recent consideration to visiting an escort, massage parlor, or “professional sex provider”?  Have you stepped outside of your marriage for sex? (Including phone-sex or online sex)  Have you been recently flirting with a female coworker, client, or acquaintance?  Have you fantasized over certain fetishes to enhance your sex life?  Have you avoided sexual advances from your mate out of a feeling of performance panic? Your score ________ out of sixteen Your total score out of a possible Eighty is: ____________ Test results: Zero to 15 Your results are in the normal range. You should begin planning now for changes in later life. Read books on Men and Adulthood – Understanding Men’s Passages by Gail Sheehy is an excellent book to start with. 16 to 40 If your scores are largely in the physical and sexual life sections 1 and 5, you are in the beginning stages of Andropause. See your Doctor for a bio-available testosterone check. Recommended reading:The Testosterone Syndrome by Dr. Eugene Shippen. If your scores are dispersed in all sections you are entering the Midlife Male Passage typical to most men between the ages of around 34 through 50+. Acquaint yourself with what this means to a man and how to traverse this important time of life with the least amount of difficulty. Recommended reading: Men in Midlife Crisis by Jim Conway, Midlife Passages by Gail Sheehy, I don’t want to talk about it by Terrence Real. 41 to 60 You are in Male Midlife Transition and the Beginning Phases of Male Midlife Crisis. You need to be engaged in a Male Mentoring Program or Men’s Group that can help you through this time of life. Find a professional counselor. Recommended reading: Men in Midlife Crisis by Jim Conway, Midlife Passages by Gail Sheehy, I don’t want to talk about it by Terrence Real.The Testosterone Syndrome by Dr. Eugene Shippen. Contact Adam Goodman using our contact page, for reference materials or immediate help and correspondence and join the Private Men’s Forum. 61 to 74 You are in Advanced Midlife Crisis. Find a professional counselor skilled in Midlife Crisis and Male Menopause issues. You need to be engaged in a Male Mentoring Program or Men’s Group that can help you through this time of life. Recommended reading: Men in Midlife Crisis by Jim Conway, Midlife Passages by Gail Sheehy, I don’t want to talk about it by Terrence Real.The Testosterone Syndrome by Dr. Eugene Shippen. Contact Adam Goodman on our contact page for reference materials or immediate help and correspondence and join the Private Men’s Forum. 75 to 80 You are in Extreme Midlife Crisis. You need assistance from a professional counselor and medical doctor. Recommended reading: Men in Midlife Crisis by Jim Conway, Midlife Passages by Gail Sheehy, I don’t want to talk about it by Terrence Real.The Testosterone Syndrome by Dr. Eugene Shippen. The Irritable Male Syndrome by Jed Diamond. Contact Adam Goodman using our contact page, for reference materials or immediate help and correspondence and join the Private Men’s Forum. If you have questions or would like to make a comment Please click HERE to send your message. Back to the Top

What can you do about it? What can I do about it? Apart from hormone replacement therapy, certain lifestyle changes have helped men in going through this period of their lives: 1. Diet. A healthy diet, which includes a balanced amount of vegetables, fruits, meats, fish and diary products, is essential. 2. Fitness. Engage in regular exercise, including aerobic, muscular and flexibility exercises. 3. Get regular health checkups. Regular health care visits and screenings are important contributors to men's health and longevity, due to the potential risks of developing, for example, cardiovascular problems, prostate and testicular cancer, and strokes. 4. Check hormone levels as you get older. Generally between 40 and 60 a number of important hormones in a man's body begin to decline. 5. Reduce stress and worry in your life. Stress is a major source of trouble for men at midlife. Exercise and relaxation help to reduce stress, as does talking to your partners, friends and family about your problems. 6. Sex can still be important to a man, but, as you go through midlife crisis, you might start to view sex as only a part of a relationship which also includes friendship, love, intimacy, sharing and spirituality. 7. Get plenty of sleep. 8. Find a supportive friend or group and talk to them about what you're going through. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------* Midlife Dimensions includes the following advice: 9. Work on your relationships. By midlife most marriages are at the lowest ebb that they ever will be. The marriage has become dull and stale because it has been ignored. Too many pressures at work or too many activities with the kids can crowd out time to understand each other and to build a warm marriage relationship. Work at it! A strong marriage will help prevent a midlife crisis. Deepen your relationships with other friends. Get involved in a group that is not built on political or social advancement. Most men by midlife have very few true friends. Correct the problem. 10. Rethink your career direction. What is your real purpose in life? What are your gifts and talents? Are these being used in your career and does your career have a dimension of improving other people's lives? Doing something for other people is going to become increasingly important as you age. You will want to leave something behind you when you die. Does your career invest your time and energy in the lives of other people? Perhaps now is the time to think about working in line with your gifts and abilities rather than just working for money or ego. Possibly your midlife crisis will give you the courage to rethink your career and maybe--just maybe--do what you've always wanted to do. 11. Reexamine your values. The young adult asks, "What am I going to do?" The midlife adult needs to ask the question, "Why am I doing this?" You have three major resources: dollars, time, and energy. Ask yourself, "How am I going to use these assets for the rest of my years?" "Why do I choose to use them in that way?" Go through your typical day, asking over and over again about every detail of the day, "Why am I doing this? Is this really important to me?" Do all the pieces of your life--clothes--house--car--friends--really fit your values? Ask "Am I spending my dollars, time, and energy in the way I really want to spend them?" Rethink the special gifts and abilities that God has given you. Ask God to help you refocus your life so that you don’t waste energy, or the precious years you have ahead of you. 12. Seek emotional stability. Discover or rediscover your spirituality. If you are a Christian and even though God may seem distant at some times; you feel distant because you are in crisis now. Keep on talking to God and keep on reading His Word. Read through the Psalms and let God slowly massage your heart. He really does care for you. 13. Encourage the development of your unique person. Young adults tend to be "group-think" people. The midlife man begins to function on self-chosen moral principles. He sees himself more clearly as his own man. Don’t just go along with the crowd. 14. Throw away unnecessary obligations. Make a list and prioritize all the things you do and get rid of ten percent of them at the bottom of the list. 15. Appreciate your perspective of seeing life with greater variety and complexity. The young adult tends to think in black-or-white terms. Don’t fall back into that narrow thinking. Practice considering other people’s opinions. Look for the gray areas so that you can understand the subtleties of life more accurately. 16. Reestablish friendships from the past. Pick up the phone and call a high school or college buddy. Renew acquaintances, but also let him know how you're changing as a person. 17. Refocus your life on God. You may feel disillusioned with the institutional church. Be careful that you don’t throw God out if you are struggling with problems in a religious organization. God is your best friend to help you during this difficult time. 18. Agree with and encourage the changes that are taking place in you. Remember, God is carrying out a process in you so that you will be more rounded and fully developed as a person. It’s OK to change. It’s OK to feel tender, to express your feelings, to cry. Take opportunities to talk to your family and your close friends about how you're changing. *Midlife Dimensions provides excellent information and has sourced for input into several of the points above. Visit www.midlife.com for more information. If you have questions or would like to make a comment Please click HERE to send your message. Back to the Top

Is there a reason for all of this? Daniel Levinson published ”The seasons of a man’s life” in 1978 out of a groundbreaking ten year study on adulthood that included the foundation of a later book written by Gail Sheehy called ”Passages”. The later was to out perform the former in record breaking sales. Nevertheless the solid work by Levinson and his colleagues has been cited by many of the spear-headers that have carried the torch that keeps men in middle life in the public focus including Jim Conway, Jed Diamond, Terrence Real, Archibald Hart, and others. In his book Levinson directs our attention to this important transition for men at middle life calling it a bridge between early adulthood and middle adulthood. He cites three major tasks which a man must address at this time: 1. To terminate the era of early adulthood he must reappraise what he has done with it while viewing the future. 2. To take the initial steps into middle adulthood. Including steps he can take to modify the negative elements of the present structure and to test new choices. 3. Then thirdly to deal with the polarities that are sources of deep division in his life. These three issues are very normal phases that a man in middle life will address. I might add “one way or another”. What elevates (or degrades) this process into what we commonly call a midlife crisis is that most men are completely unprepared from childhood until now to make this transition. It comes upon us suddenly while we remain almost unaware of it occurring. Then we find it to be a complete interference into our lives which until now we have structured through personal goals and ideals. To most of us we were completely assured that THIS would never happen to me. For this reason many men in the midst of it still deny its existence as though they are the only one blindsided to what is going on with them. “That’s not me” they retort with such great conviction that denies them the help that they need to pass on through. The midlife crisis is an awkward approach to the normal transition depicted by Levinson. Nevertheless it will produce the same results at the end of the day. The man in midlife crisis is really dragging his feet through the process and his heart across sandpaper putting into jeopardy all that he has built of life to date, including his marriage which he also puts at risk. But according to Levinson’s Three Tasks the marriage would also be under reassessment weather it be a good one historically or not. In midlife crisis he delays his proper reassessment of this by testing it against what may have been adolescent considerations long before he met his wife. He may even consider dating in his process - a huge no-no to a married man; but somehow rational to him in this transitional phase. Not all men experience what we commonly call a midlife crisis; but all men do make this transition. Statistically in America only 15% of males surveyed experienced a midlife crisis during their passage through mid life. We suspect that 50% of the respondents were in denial or outright lying about it in their responses – a typical feature of men in midlife crisis. A man in midlife crisis has entered it though the Levinson doorway mentioned above. Often and in most all cases he has encountered a “life crisis” that triggered the reappraisal. This could be the death of a parent or a good friend. It could be the loss of a job in his career. It could even be the loss of his marriage via his wife’s midlife crisis. Whatever it was that triggered the reappraisal, it was a tragedy of sorts (to him). When a man enters a midlife crisis he will begin self medicating his condition (depression) with “feel good” antidotes of his choice. The odd thing about medication is that it tends to work, not at ridding the ailment but at relieving the symptoms. He will continue along this vein of self medicating until finally addressing that which he needed to address at the onset – the Levinson top three. A midlife crisis that was initialized via a tragedy will more often that not take another crisis of significant measure to bring him back to reappraisal. The death of the second parent might be one such tragedy or even the loss of his marriage or business, etc. It is sad to see a man that you love heading straight toward rock bottom. A great deal of marriages cannot survive this – the adversity is too great. Superficial relationships will have said goodbye just at his thought of losing their financial lifestyle or of his involving another woman. Yet for the man in midlife crisis another woman often means nothing more to him than a new set of clubs when all is said and done. (He might defend that point to justify his actions at the time.) The truth is – when he finally says “she meant nothing to me”; believe it – she didn’t. She will be in the swap shop with the golf clubs at the end of the day as the statistics also prove. The “rock bottom” of a “crisis ending crisis” is not pretty for a man and it takes great toll upon his wife. There should be no blame for a spouse that can not endure his crisis through to the end. If you have questions or would like to make a comment Please click HERE to send your message. Back to the Top