Feature Article

By B.G. (Newman) Hart

The Mask of Bravado The Mask of Bravado In his book Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons From the Myths of Boyhood, *Dr. Pollock proposes that boys “lose their voice, a whole half of their emotional selves”, beginning at age 4 or 5. “Their vulnerable, sad feelings and sense of need are suppressed or shamed out of them”, he says – by their peers, parents, the great wide televised fist in their face. He added: “if you keep hammering it to a kid that he has to look tough and stop being a cry-baby and a mama’s boy, the boy will start creating a mask of bravado” We as boys and later, men, are even known to compare our own against other men’s masks. The pressure is constantly on to never show weakness, never cry, to never go soft. We ridicule men that are weak and count up their flaws. What are we counting? The flaws in their personal mask. I never cried from the days of childhood until midlife. At times I even wondered if my tear ducts were dormant. No, I don’t believe I was “hardened” against the sympathetic times of life – tears and crying just weren’t there. I had seen other men cry; but it just wasn’t for me. One fellow – George, was in our party scene when I was younger. He sure didn’t have any problem showing his “softer side”! At a party you would frequently find George surrounded by girls – it was enough to make the rest of us mad. He would get strokes and touch and attention in the female quarry but most of us MEN, didn’t care to enjoy his company quite as much. He was a “wimp” a “cry-baby”, and most of the female attention he got was in comfort of his woes. One might think that George had discovered the perfect method to “pick up girls” because he always seemed to have their doting attention - but this just wasn’t so. As the night progressed and we “bad boys” got more rowdy, away from the sidelines of dart games and drink and onto the dance floor – guess what?! The girls went home with the “bad boys” – the ultimate reward for our mask of bravado! It seems that even women prefer a bad boy over a sad boy. The “mask of bravado” is not simple to wear and it takes attention to detail. You need to be “bad” but know where to draw the line. You must control and squelch nearly every emotion. The only emotions we men may legitimately show are – rage, triumph, and lust. “Anything else”, as Dr. Pollock says, “and you risk being seen as a sissy”. We wear our mask of bravado throughout adulthood. But it gets tested and shaken at [b]midlife[/b] like nearly everything else. When a man’s midlife passage begins – usually in concert with the low spike of our testosterone that we all experience around our forties – there is an unavoidable period of sadness that occurs. This period of sadness often leads to what Terrence Real termed as ”covert male depression”. That is, our mask of bravado DEMANDS that we squelch out the sadness because it does not fit within the range of the allowable three! But the sadness/depression doesn’t go away that easily so we are forced to force it beneath the surface – it goes covert but it doesn’t go away. We need to and would sooner be seen as ”bad boys rather than sad boys”. Covert depression causes us to withdraw from those closest to us, take up our mask of bravado, and try to “deal with our feelings in private”. We seldom get away with this endeavour around our wives because they know us too well. She will ask repeatedly “what is wrong?” but we know beyond any shadow of a doubt that we don’t want to talk about it because that will unleash that sad animal we are trying to keep under control and once it is out we have shown weakness to the very roots of our being. Depression threatens our manhood and puts it on the line. Our choices seldom include visiting a counsellor to get help. The earmark of a man that is covertly depressed is his denial of his symptoms. Covert Depression is seldom seen by the typical signs of depression that are overtly displayed. The symptoms of covert depression can only be seen by the increase of our acts of bravado that we use to assuage it. These acts of bravado are what we typically call a Midlife Crisis. So how does it end? Covert depression cannot be readily treated. Most often because we fail to admit its existence. It is only when the covert becomes overt; that is, visibly recognized and seen, that we can treat the depression. It often takes a crisis to end a midlife crisis – something that will bring out his depression from its covert state into the realm of the seen. For some men that are resiliently resistant to this happening it will take a loss that brings them to “rock bottom” in their lives. Sadly, many men seem to come to the place of losing their marriage, business, career, financial well-being, or more before facing their midlife issues head-on. The sooner that a man will find this crisis that ends the crisis the better off all will be. Once a man’s covert depression becomes overt his depression can be treated and he can move onward toward accomplishing his own midlife transition. It is his midlife transition that turns a midlife man into ten times the real man than he ever was before. Newman Hart * We often reference the works of Dr. William Pollock here on FortySixty. Dr. Pollock is the coordinator for the Center for Men at McLean Hospital and assistant clinical professor of psychology in the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. Back to the Top If you have questions or would like to make a comment Please click HERE to send your message. Men and Male Hormonal Cycles There is a lot of recent discussion concerning Male Menopause, Testosterone Replacement Therapy, and how decline of Testosterone in males has such a great effect on midlife transition. Along with these discussions I would like to introduce another topic of interest - Male Hormonal Cycles and try to address the question: Do men really have monthly cycles? It is common knowledge that women have monthly menstrual cycles and that fluctuating hormones can cause moodiness and discomfort. We even have an acronym for it – PMS. Countless remedies are available – go into any health food store or pharmacy and they’ll have something to aid you. Although for a very long time women have been ‘cursed’ by negative attitudes to their hormone cycles, the prevailing attitude now seems to be that these cycles are completely normal, healthy biological processes. Rightly so and about time! In many ways, we are fortunate that the subject of female hormone cycles is so talked about. But ask any woman about the men in her life – father, husband, son or partner. Ask her if, in her opinion, they too succumb to odd moods and ailments on a regular basis. Her answer will frequently be affirmative. Tell a woman that her father, husband, son or partner has hormone cycles and mood swings, and she won’t be too surprised. Yet many men would be. It’s unfortunate when men’s important health issues are not acknowledged, as this frequently leads to a decline not only in health, but in work and personal relationships too, as a matter of fact, their wellbeing in general. So let’s change that. Let’s talk about male hormone cycles. Testosterone cycles Both men and women produce exactly the same hormones, but in different quantities. Men produce far more testosterone than women, and fluctuations in this hormone can affect men dramatically. Men have five testosterone cycles that we know of: Hourly cycles: A man’s testosterone level fluctuates four to five times an hour. There is also research that indicates men think of sex approximately four to five times an hour, which would seem consistent with the fluctuating testosterone levels. Daily cycles: Testosterone levels rise and then fall over a 24-hour period. Levels are highest first thing in the morning (usually around 5 am) and are lowest late in the afternoon. Consequently, libido is usually highest in the morning and lowest in the afternoon. Monthly cycles: Testosterone fluctuates monthly and results in a number of symptoms similar to the premenstrual syndrome (PMS) experienced by women. Every man’s cycle is unique. Some men are very regular, and experience their testosterone low approximately every 28 days. Others have irregular cycles. Seasonal cycles: Testosterone levels also rise and fall over the period of a year. Studies show that men in the US, France and Australia experience their highest level of testosterone in October and their lowest in April, despite the different seasons in each hemisphere. Andropause (Andro comes from Greek and means male.): This is the male equivalent of menopause (meno comes from Greek and means month). So these terms refer to the decline of the production of sex hormones (that is, testosterone remains consistently low) in men and the cessation of menstruation in women. In most men, testosterone levels start to decline slowly around the age of 20-30, and continue to decline significantly from around 50- 60 years of age, resulting in some of the symptoms similar to those of menopause in women. Do men really have monthly cycles? As we have already seen, research shows that men do, in fact, have monthly hormone cycles, just like women. The question is: Why have we heard so little, or nothing, about this? Dr Estelle Ramey, professor of Physiology and Endocrinology at Georgetown University Medical School, argues that men are socialized to deny their hormone cycles. She says men often view hormone cycles as ‘feminine’ and therefore do not want to acknowledge this in themselves. They do not want to be thought of as ‘emotional’, and want to appear to be in control, especially of their own bodies, at all times. It is important to remember that hormone cycles are not ‘feminine’, but ‘human’. There seems to be no doubt that men have monthly testosterone cycles, and experience symptoms very similar to PMS.These symptoms can range from mild to severe.Here is an excerpt from an interesting story one mother posted on a medical information website about her teenage son’s monthly testosterone cycle: “My son ...(recently) ...suffered a breakdown. He had frequent panic attacks, lost several stone in weight and he couldn’t go to school. Our GP has been wonderful. He has prescribed antidepressants and psychotherapy, and after 12 months my son is back at school full-time and is a happy lad again – for three weeks a month. In the fourth week he is a gibbering wreck, cries all the time and worries about anything especially things of a sexual nature. He was diagnosed as having Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ...but his obsessions and compulsions only show in this week when he is so depressed. I thought these phases could be of a hormonal nature bearing in mind that they were so cyclic – I can tell to the day when he will be bad again, because it is exactly 28 days from one bad patch to the next. Our GP has dismissed this, but this one week a month really affects us all. We can’t go away or go out; he can’t concentrate at school and gets teased because he is crying a lot of the time. I read that from puberty males have five different testosterone cycles, one of which is monthly. I think this is what is affecting my son.” (Posted on: www.globalandropause.com on 08/10/03) This is an extreme case, but by no means an isolated one. There’s no doubt that hormonal ups and downs, even those that are less extreme than in this case, are uncomfortable, debilitating, and often confronting to a man’s self-image. But as is illustrated here, denying hormone cycles is likely to have a far more detrimental impact. The effect of low testosterone levels Testosterone cycles affect men physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually. When testosterone levels are at their monthly low, symptoms frequently occur. Physical symptoms may include:  Backaches  Muscle and joint pain  Fatigue Mental symptoms may include:  Loss of drive at work  Lack of motivation  Negativity  Poor memory Emotional symptoms may include:  Mood swings  Depression  Irritability or anger  Frustration Sexual symptoms may include:  Lack of interest in sex  Difficulty getting or maintaining an erection How to monitor the monthly testosterone cycle Start by asking a few relevant questions:  Do energy levels change at certain times of the month?  Fluctuating moods at certain times of the month?  More sexual at certain times of the month? Naturally, this will also affect men’s relationships (work and personal) depending on the severity of the symptoms, and especially if symptoms are not acknowledged. Think of how many times a bad mood has been allowed to escalate into a serious relationship rift, or fatigue has caused problems at work. But by working with their bodies instead of against them, men can minimize the disruption their hormone cycles may be causing in their lives. If you like, think of it as gaining more control of your life, not losing control, as symptoms can easily get out of control if they are ignored. Coping with monthly mood swings Hormone cycles are a part of life. Don’t allow symptoms to get out of hand. Working with these cycles instead of against them can make these symptoms less uncomfortable for you. Suggestions for minimizing the effects of monthly testosterone lows: Watch your diet Reduce your intake of sugar, caffeine, alcohol and salty foods. Avoid dairy products. Opt instead for fresh fruit and veggies, beans, rice, grains, water and lean protein sources. If you like, consult a naturopath or nutritionist to tailor a diet to your symptoms. Get some exercise Regular exercise helps relieve stress, depression and anxiety – major symptoms of low testosterone. Exercise will also release endorphins, hormones that have a ‘feel good’ effect on the body and reduce pain. Check your thyroid Sometimes symptoms can be exacerbated by an under active thyroid. Ask your health practitioner to test you for hypothyroidism. Understand yourself Above all, do not fall into the trap of thinking there is something ‘wrong’ with you. Hormonal down times do not indicate an underlying emotional problem. Don’t be hard on yourself. Treatment for excessively low testosterone levels Testosterone deficiency is called ‘hypogonadism’. Usually this is the result of ageing, but in younger men can be caused by viral infections, drug or alcohol abuse, or a genetic predisposition. Boost yourself naturally  Stress B vitamins and antioxidants.  Men’s multivitamin/antioxidant supplement for milder cases.  Vitamins C and E.  Liver support teas, such as dandelion tea.  Green tea.  Zinc is important to reproductive health.  Damiana is also used for impotence, sterility and anxiety in men.  Saw palmetto assists in balancing of hormones, in low sperm count and in prostate protection.  Siberian ginseng root, shizandra seed and liquorice root help to increase physical stamina. More information It is not easy to find good literature about male hormone cycles. It is still a relatively unexplored subject due to our cultural perceptions of ‘maleness’. However, the following websites are a good place to start: MenAlive.com This website has been developed by Jed Diamond, psychotherapist and board member of many men’s health organizations. He is very active in disseminating information about men’s health, and has written a number of books about men’s health and hormones. Jed will also answer your emails personally and promptly. MensHealthNetwork.Org This is a very good men’s health information site. Have a look around and find your way to what you want. Andropause.Com If you think you are approaching andropause, and this could be as early as in your 30s or 40s, but more usually much later, this website will provide you with sound information and other links. Back to the Top If you have questions or would like to make a comment Please click HERE to send your message.