MIDLIFE TRANSITIONS
"Many men tell us they feel burned out at midlife:
"I’m tired of it all."
"I just want to escape."
"When is it time for me?"
"I’m tired of giving, giving, giving."" (Jim Conway)
70 million of us are entering midlife every year! 12 million in America alone!
…yet there is a large gap in resources available to us at this stage of life much less to help us understand the changes we are experiencing. These changes are much too important to ignore or misunderstand. Studies indicate that 80% of all North American suicides are males and that out of this 80% is a dramatic increase in numbers at midlife.
This interactive website is a compilation of information, commentary, and links to resources obtained in our research that circumvents the many hours you would need to gain on your own. The emphasis you will find here is on the changes a man experiences at midlife and although not everyone will experience what is known as midlife crisis; everyone will experience a midlife transition. Some of the markers that may indicate that you are already in this period of change are:
You become aware of your physical changes – hair loss, weight gain (around the middle), muscular tone, and more.
You undertake a self-appraisal of your life to date.
You feel that your life has been wasted on constantly giving and the hard work you have done so that everyone else around you may be comfortable. You question “What about me now?”
You feel depressed and that your life is a failure.
You begin to hide your feeling of depression through self medicating and you seek out “feel good” antidotes.
Your lifestyle changes. You spend more.
You may have an extramarital affair.
You may have even lost marriage, family, home, job and hope.
You notice a loss or change in your sexual drive and performance.
You enter a full blown midlife crisis.
When we look seriously at Midlife Transition and the issues associated with it we need to look also at several underlying causes and triggers. These include IMS (Irritable Male Syndrome), Andropause, Male Depression, and the very normal Midlife Transition. While all men will experience a Midlife Transition as part of their normal walk through adulthood; not all men will endure a Midlife Crisis, IMS, serious Andropause, or Midlife Male Depression. However ALL of these features may appear, very often fully developed, during a man’s midlife transition. The disparities between these are not often readily defined. What makes a Midlife Crisis is very often a man’s response to any or all of these during his midlife transition.
So, What happened?
• Men experiencing this transition at midlife can change, seemingly overnight, from "peaceful" to "agitated," from "loving to mean," from "content" to "discontented.
• Although not always the case, there may be some triggering event such as a crisis with a close friend or relative.
• Often the man describes his roles as a son, a father, a husband, a friend. He may feel trapped and believe he has lost his sense of self, his own sense of identity. "When will it be time for me?" he may want to scream.
• In his fear and confusion he may feel he has to pull away, destroy the old in order to move on to something new.
Without a doubt, the one that finds his self in the midst of these at midlife has arrived here completely unaware and unprepared.
This Transition seemed to approach you naturally over the course of time; paradoxically, it appears in your life rather suddenly - typically within the span of a year or possibly two.
The spouse of a man in this “interlude” is often bewildered by his sudden change in posture. In reality though there have been several precursors to the “big one” that suddenly appears to change everything. He may have had several shorter bouts of depression or irritability prior to this but they seemed minor in comparison to what appears today.
A man in this state will often deny that he is having a problem because this did occur “gradually sudden” and also included a measure of decision on his part. Instead he might indicate various problem points in his marriage relationship as the issue that he is reacting to. These “problem points” arrive at the forefront of his explanations for his behavior. They very often blindside him to the factual issues at the foundation of his actions. The reality is however that for xx number of years he has effectively managed through these problem points yet today he is not. He may debatably infer that he has “simply had enough” to justify his actions. The bottom line is the question – are his actions out of character for the man that he is? If so, then he may be in a midlife crisis.
Seventy percent of the problem points indicated by men in this “crisis” are surrounding sex in the marriage – typically the lack of it. Thirty percent are ascribed to irritable characteristics between the couple that he now finds irreconcilable. Typical of both of these is that he withdraws from the marriage relationship whether this is by isolating himself “in his own mind” or by moving out, or by engaging with another companion.
Although isolation is a necessary process in midlife transition; the “crisis” occurs when a man fills up his time with peripheral activities that assuage his feeling of misery. The “crisis” itself goes first to his mate. A man that is assuaging his misery through “feel good antidotes” is seldom experiencing a “crisis” at all. His crisis only really appears when he must either give account for his actions (usually in court), or when he awakes to his own character compromises and now wants out of them.
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This website is constantly in change and addresses up-to-date issues that face men in midlife. New features are frequently updated. New found research is posted immediately on the website and forums. You will need to revisit this site frequently to keep abreast of the new changes.
Click Here to View the FortySixty Forum.Inside the Men’s Forum you may gain access to important “men’s issues” and dialogue with other men in an anonymous way that may not be found in any other forum.
Likewise the Women’s Forum provides a sanctuary to express and gain support as they go through this phase of midlife transition.
The combined forum called “The Daily Lounge” is where both men and women may discuss relevant midlife topics.
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